Ariel (not her real name) came to girl's Bible study
last night. She hasn't come for about 8 months. I was surprised to see
her standing at my gate about 15 minutes early. She had obviously showered and
dressed in "out for the evening clothes". She was smiling.
I wish that I had just gushed with grace and love.
It's the obvious response. Kristel did. She ran out and invited her
in. I followed. Sigh.
Our history is a rough road. She has been part of our deaf community,
family, gatherings, events, since the beginning, since our very first worship
together. During that 7 years I felt
like I had tried to help her, be a safe place for her, helped her reunite with
her mother who had cut her off, baby shower, visited her, showed
her love, forgave her...etc. but she kept rejecting me, said mean things, never smiled to me, said mean lies
to other people about me. I thought, "Hey, look, I can't
go any farther across this bridge without you making some kind of effort,
" though I never said that to her or anyone else. She was causing so
much chaos, too. Every time (yes EVERY time) she came to church
she had a fight with the man she claims is the father of her first baby but is
obviously not. Sometimes she would stand up and shout and then
dramatically announce "I'm ignoring you"… and maybe storm off in tears
about 15 minutes after church started. You would think you were watching a Mexican
soap opera. So when she stopped coming to church and my house and kind of
stayed away for 8 months, my first thought was relief. "Phew, less
drama."
There are so many different kinds of psycho-babble theories about how to relate
to people who are having trouble finding their way and very stubborn and
rebellious in the effort. You know, "tough love", or let them
learn their lesson, or just love them anyway. As a teacher who juggles
these strategies everyday...I try to figure out when do I discipline, when do I hug it out, when do
I see this as needing a behavior management reward system, when do I ignore
it. Every behavior, every child, every situation is different and any one
of those responses is "right" from time to time in an educational
setting. With Church family, it's different.
When Chuck Snyder was here, he was talking about grace vs. law. He said, “People have it all wrong. The
argument should not be grace vs. law.
You can never have too much grace. It should be rephrased: law vs. lawlessness.”
Hmmmm. “You never ever can have too much grace”.
The phrase has been rolling around in my head ever since. I think he is right about that. How does that apply to school? I don’t know… but with church people…with
Ariel….it means I should run to her like the Father in the Prodigal son story. I didn’t. I don’t trust her. But so what? There wasn’t anything trustworthy about the
son who returned home, yet the Father ran to meet him.
Grace, you can never have too much.
So last night when she came to Bible study, Kristel and
Angelica were immediately "thrilled to see her after a long absence"
and showered her with sentences like: "It's so good to have you
here." That’s grace. Father, show me how to extend the grace to
Ariel that you have already rained on her.